Hi folks! It's been a while!
Your friend Billy Jays here!
You know, a mind expanded by a new idea can never return to its original dimension!
I find that is so true when I introduce a new product to the market. People everywhere have their minds expanded! My new products always create new dimensions and new paradigms!
And today is no different! I am so excited to bring this product to the market, I can hardly control myself!
Sure, you drive through neighborhoods and look at all the houses as you pass by. And you notice how boringly similar they all are! Squares and rectangles, straight and true, level and plumb - well, as I said, BOOORRRRING!
And at every corner what do you see? A downspout connected to gutters! Gutters that are straight and level! Downspouts that are attached and plumb! Aren't you tired with the embarrassment of being like everyone else? Well, I know I am!
This is to introduce Deviate Yer Downspout!
No more will you feel the embarrassment of being like everyone else in the neighborhood!
Deviate Yer Downspout! is more than you think!
Sure, you think you're only looking at a downspout, cleverly angled and deviated, that discharges far away from that foundation!
And you know how those pesky home inspectors are always trying to tell you that downspouts need to drain further from the house!
With Deviate Yer Downspout! that home inspector problem is solved!
But Deviate Yer Downspout! is so much more!
See those two AC compressors? Well, they aren't compressors at all!
Along with your new Deviate Yer Downspout! will come two AC compressors that you blow up like an air mattress! Yep, now you can blow up!
When your box comes, simply unroll the detailed AC compressors, open the valve and blow away! Sooner than later you will have two new AC compressors!
Then, and here is the new dimension and paradigm bursting through, you simply set them on the side of the house, glue on the faux tubing, and decoratively Deviate Yer Downspout! between them! Then you can sit back and watch your neighbors' eyes bulge!
Isn't that one impressive sight!?
Now, you say, "But Billy, I already have a couple of AC compressors. Why would I want two more, even if they are only filled with air?"
I'm glad you asked that question! Your neighbors will notice the two new compressors as well! Then, when you are asked about them, you can casually say, "I have a new "special" AC system, very new age! It requires more compressors!"
So there you go! When I said a mind stretched to a new dimension, I meant it! And now that you have seen Deviate Yer Downspout! your mind will never return to its original size!
YOU CAN THANK ME NOW!
AND YOU CAN ORDER NOW!
Simply call, and one of our phone specialists, highly trained in, um, compression deviation, will be happy to fill your order! The number? 1-800-DEV-IATE !! Of course!
And if you call now, because I can't make this offer all day, we will promise that you will get your order in time for the holiday!
"Oh, Billy," you say, "which holiday?" Well, there's one nearly every month! It will come in time for one of them! See how I got you covered!?
SO CALL NOW!
And as always, if you do call now, you will also get a box of our fictive and famously fresh LOTSA NUTS!
When you feel like a snack, eat LOTSA NUTS!, because you are what you eat!
Remember folks, with Deviate Yer Downspout! you not only get a new downspout to deviate, but two blow-up AC compressors and two faux AC tubes to help you with that new demented dimension of downspout deviation!
So, Deviate Yer Downspout! Now!
This is your old friend, Billy Jays, signing off!
And you know me, the best advice I can give is CALL NOW!
Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC
Based in Bristow, serving all of Northern Virginia.
Office (703) 330-6388 Cell (703) 585-7560