What I'm Seeing Now

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Close Yer Cabinet!

Hi folks!

It's your old friend Billy Jays here!

And I could not be more excited! 

How often do you look under your sink, kitchen or bathroom, to see that gaping maw there?

You know, the hole large enough for the local lions and tigers to get through?

Well, I know it happens to me all the time!  And one day I was thinking about what to do with it!

This is my first product that allows you to choose your own look when you look under that cabinet!!

I call the first one Close Yer Cabinet! 

With Close Yer Cabinet! you will never again have to say, "Ma, that gapin' maw under the cabinet is sure stickin' in ma craw!"

But Billy, you say, you said I can choose my Close Yer Cabinet! look.  Can that be true?

It can!  It is true!

The first Close Yer Cabinet! is gorgeous!

I call it Billy Puff!

Yes, Billy Puff! will make quick work of that gaping maw! 

So quick Ma won't know you were under her bathroom cabinet!

Yes, Billy Puff! makes that stick-in-yer-craw feeling go away quick!

Fortuitously, Billy Puff! comes with my special Pufferator Applicator!

So, when you call, and you should call now, and when you get one of my specially-trained phone technicians on the line, don't forget to ask for it!

Isn't the Pufferator Applicator! a beaut!?

But Billy Jays, you said there would be the choice between two products!  I don't want to call until I've seen what it is!  What else do you have?

I am so glad you asked that question!

Thinking back to my school days I remember making a shadow box one time and putting some plastic wrap over the top so my teacher could see inside. 

I thought it was brilliant! 

Well, here you go!

I call it Billy View!

With Billy View! you can see right into the wall through the backside of the cabinet!

You can Close Yer Cabinet! with Billy View! and sort of not close it at all!

It's a very zen product - closed but not closed!

Just look into that gaping maw!

Is there a leak there?  NO!!

Is there a mouse in there?  NO!!

Is there any of that pesky insulation in there?  Again, NO!!

Like I said, brilliant!

When you call for Billy View! it automatically comes with a roll of

Billy Grays Tape!

But, Billy, you say, that looks like duct tape?

NO, NO, NO, that is Billy Grays Tape!

It's much better!  And it's specially made to hold the plastic wrap in place!

Yes, you can CALL NOW!!

Not only will Ma be proud, so will your neighbors!  When they come over just have them peek at the best!  Billy Jays best!

They will be proud neighbors forever!  I am so happy for you!

Of course, with every order, you get your choice of a case of Lotsa Nuts!

or

Billy Jays own Di-hydrogen Monoxide!  

Or, you can order both!

When you feel like a snack, eat Lotsa Nuts!, because you are what you eat.

And what better to wash it down with but some cold, fresh Billy Jays Di-hydrogen Monoxide!

We filter our water to the minimum standards required by law!  That's the code!  And we stick to it!

I can sense your fingers just itching to call!

So, CALL NOW!!

Until next time, and my next product, this is Billy Jays signing off!

Remember, you can always count on Billy Jays!

And, CAAALLLL NOOOOWWW!!

 

 

 

Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC  

Based in Bristow, serving all of Northern Virginia.

Office (703) 330-6388   Cell (703) 585-7560

www.jaymarinspect.com


Comment balloon 55 commentsJay Markanich • August 01 2013 01:55AM

Comments

Good morning, Jay....I can't believe people actually do that to their own homes.... it IS kind of funny, but it's more pathetic than funny.

Posted by Barbara Todaro, Previously Affiliated with The Todaro Team (RE/MAX Executive Realty - Retired ) about 7 years ago

Barbara - Billy will be very sorry to hear that.

;>)

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

LOL, Jay, those are some of the worst patch jobs I've ever seen.  Hilarious.

Posted by Debbie Gartner, The Flooring Girl & Blog Stylist -Dynamo Marketers (The Flooring Girl) about 7 years ago

Jay, I will take two! I like the Billy View the best. That is truly Zen. I will feel much better being able to see the stuff inside the hole if I have to. And besides, those critters will be able to see IN, but will be confused because they can't GET in. I can set up a video camera and watch them try and try to get in to no avail... payback is great isn't it?

That's Billy Jays is one smart cookie...

Posted by Andrea Swiedler, Realtor, Southern Litchfield County CT (Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices New England Properties) about 7 years ago

Careful Cousin D, Billy is very proud of them both.

He is a market pouncer Andrea!  Why, he got the idea for Billy View! just yesterday!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

Duct tape was a giveaway.  Uncle Bob stopped by for one of his handy fixes I see.  Now you see him now you don't.  :)

Posted by James Dray, Exceptional Agents, Outstanding Results (Fathom Realty) about 7 years ago

Oh Billy how we have messed...or that is ...missed you....with your great graphic descriptions of how "best" to explore the world of inspection !

Posted by Sally K. & David L. Hanson, WI Real Estate Agents - Luxury - Divorce (EXP Realty 414-525-0563) about 7 years ago

The plastic wrap takes it to a dimension never thought of by Bob, James.

S&D - Billy has been on vacation.  I heard he owns a Caribbean Island.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

Jay so true I don't think his mind has the ability to think that far ahead... :)

Posted by James Dray, Exceptional Agents, Outstanding Results (Fathom Realty) about 7 years ago

Hi Jay.

Never know what we find when we open a cabinet door. Good post about what we don't want to find.

Have a great day in Bristow my friend.

Best, Clint McKie

Posted by Clint Mckie, Desert Sun Home, Comm. Inspection 1-575-706-5586 (Desert Sun Home, commercial Inspections) about 7 years ago

Awesome! I'll take two... and what the hey, take one for yourself too and add it to my bill!!

If that guy had just kept his finger on the trigger just one more second, that cabinet would have been full of foam and everything would be sealed in foam! Voila!

Posted by Fred Hernden, CMI, Albuquerque area Master Inspector (Superior Home Inspections - Greater Albuquerque Area) about 7 years ago

Billy Jay - I know that your products are successful, I see them used all over the Sacramento Region. My order is in the mail.  :)

Posted by Tom Arstingstall, General Contractor, Dry Rot, Water Damage Sacramento, El Dorado County - (916) 765-5366, General Contractor, Dry Rot and Water Damage (Dry Rot and Water Damage www.tromlerconstruction.com Mobile - 916-765-5366) about 7 years ago

Jay--What a mess! There's just no telling what the inept do-it-your-selfer will come up with next. BTW, I'm a little biased, but the beard's not bad...

Posted by Tom White, Franklin Homes Realty LLC, Franklin TN (Franklin Homes Realty LLC (615) 495-0752 or www.FranklinHomesRealty.com) about 7 years ago

Hi Jay - Strange - as I read this, my thumb kept twitching, as if there were a remote in my hand.

Posted by Dick Greenberg, Northern Colorado Residential Real Estate (New Paradigm Partners LLC) about 7 years ago

Billy Jay comes up with a two-fer: two different products for one common household problem.  Way to go!

Posted by Steven Cook (No Longer Processing Mortgages.) about 7 years ago
Amazing how some homemowners think their "repair" is perfect!
Posted by Carol Zingone, Global Realtor in Jax Beach, FL - ABR, CRS, CIPS (Berkshire Hathaway Home Services Florida Network Realty) about 7 years ago

Now that's a lot of repair jobs to do.

Posted by Oscar Vasquez (Fillmore Home Value Check ) about 7 years ago

I actually have the Duck tape look under a sink and on an adjacent wall until my Sheetrock person comes next week!

Posted by Sharon Parisi, Dallas Homes (United Real Estate Dallas ) about 7 years ago

I'm laughin' pretty hard, over here.  But will you throw in a set of ginzu knives??

 

(by the way... I was surprised you didn't title this one "Shut Yer Trap!".)

Posted by Alan May, There's no place like home. (Jameson Sotheby's International Realty) about 7 years ago

Jay, I suspect, Billy's phone is ringing off the hook for those who want to take advantage of those free LOTSA Nuts!

Posted by Tammie White, Broker, Franklin TN Homes for Sale (Franklin Homes Realty LLC) about 7 years ago

And it's only $19,99 for the set.... S&H separately!  Can't wait for the mailman to bring me mine... :-)

Posted by Silvia Dukes PA, Broker Associate, CRS, CIPS, SRES, Florida Waterfront and Country Club Living (Tropic Shores Realty - Ich spreche Deutsch!) about 7 years ago

Do you think the creators of duct tape and Great Stuff spray foam realized when they made it how abused their products would be or do you really think they thought people would read the instructions and only use as recommended?

Posted by Aaron Hofmann, aka Mr. Smyrna Vinings (Atlanta Communities) about 7 years ago

Likely not James, at least in my experience.

Clint - Billy would respectfully disagree!  This is EXACTLY what he wants us to see under the cabinet!

Fred - if only!  And then throw the can onto the campfire like we did our Right Guard cans at Scout Camp (totally against the rules...)

Tom A. - I will pass that along!  Once the infomercial is over I hear Billy heads back to the Caribbean Island.

Tom W. - thanks!  That is Billy Mays' beard photoshopped onto my face.  The DIYers will never run out of ideas!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

Dick - did you read it at 3am while having nothing else to watch?

Steven - the guy is an amazing capitalist.  Quite the market pouncer.

Carol - I can see someone standing back and thinking their repair kicks butt!

Oscar - when they move in, the new owners have a project already set up!

Sharon - that will bring a tear to Billy's eye.  Although he pushes the Billy Grays Tape.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

I have nothing to do with it Alan!  You'll need to call now to find out.

And all of Billys' products have the first and last word share the same letter, you silly.

For sure Tammie.  You are what you eat!

Silvia - I'd wait by the mailbox.  It's coming soon!

Aaron - what you say, this isn't how the product is recommended to be used?

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

Hey Jay-amazing, you must come across lots of crazy repairs like these.

Posted by Marco Giancola, Realtor (305)608-1922, Miami Beach Florida (Beachfront Realty) about 7 years ago

And when I do, Marco, Billy jumps on them!  He is amazingly fast.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

Jay, I am placing my order right now for the window & duct tape version---I like being able to see what the varmits are doing inside the walls--I can set up a little mini-cam with night vision.  That's the ticket!

Posted by Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector (Charles Buell Inspections Inc.) about 7 years ago

Oh---I forgot to ask---do you take credit cards or paypal?

Posted by Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector (Charles Buell Inspections Inc.) about 7 years ago

Great comical way to make your point about the crazy things you come across.

Posted by Jill Sackler, LI South Shore Real Estate - Broker Associate (Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. 516-575-7500) about 7 years ago

Charlie - you will need to call now.  No need to tell me.  I think that version is called Billy View.

The specially-trained phone technician can tell you the best way to buy.

You weren't impressed by the Pufferator Applicator!?

Jill - I don't know, I think Billy is pretty serious.  He follows sales daily.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

I think you are on to the perfect closing gift.... I think this product will impress all home buyers.  LOL

Posted by Joan Whitebook, Consumer Focused Real Estate Services (BHG The Masiello Group) about 7 years ago

Free shipping? And if I buy one today, can I get 2 more free? And the knives? 

Posted by Mitch Muller - Charlotte NC Real Estate, Certified Residential Specialist (ProStead Realty Charlotte, NC CRS SRES mitch@prostead.com) about 7 years ago

Jay - looks like they used five cans of that stuff to fill the hole.

Posted by Eric Middleton, Professional Property Inspector (Closer Look Property Inspections Inc.) about 7 years ago

Is that like an ear puff gun?

Posted by Laura Cerrano, Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher (Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island) about 7 years ago

I think I enjoyed the drawn on beard the most!

Posted by Brian Sharkey, SharkeyRE - #SouthFloridaBroker (SharkeyRE LLC) about 7 years ago

Incredible photos -- thanks for the laugh.  You must see some incredible things!  have a great weekend -- Eric

Posted by Eric Crane -- Your Full Service, Discount Fee Realtor®, Greater Metro Phoenix Arizona (DPR Realty LLC) about 7 years ago
You are hilarious Jay! And did I mention that you are quite skilled with photoshop?! Too funny!
Posted by Ralph Gorgoglione, Hawaii and California Real Estate (310) 497-9407 (Maui Life Homes / Metro Life Homes) about 7 years ago

There you go Joan, thinking out of the box.  Billy has a tear in his eye right now.

Mitch - you will have to call!  I'd call now.

Eric - the house probably smelled like icynene off gassing for two days!

Laura - a Billy invention is not like anything else.  Like, well, I mean, like, you know.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

Brian - I think he puts boot black on that every day, not sure.

Eric - I do, and just when I think I've seen it all something like Billy View! pops up!

Ralph - me?  Photoshop?  I think Billy Jays, who has over 40 products being sold here on AR, works hard on that beard.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

But wait theres more!

Posted by Chuck Mixon, Cutler Bay Specialist, GRI, CDPE, BPOR (The Keyes Company) about 7 years ago

There is Chuck!  In my business there will ALWAYS be more!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

Hey, Jay!

And if you are in the first 250,000,000 callers we'll give you a second set - one for you one for your home inspector - for just $9.95 more shipping and handling!

Regards, amigo.

Posted by Jim Gilbert, The Gold Homes Team (Keller Williams Fairfax Gateway) about 7 years ago

Jay, don't I get another set free, if I just pay the shipping and handling? How can anyone be so creative and hide it in a closed cabinet?

Posted by Michael Setunsky, Your Commercial Real Estate Link to Northern VA about 7 years ago

Billy take your medication without the shot of whiskey...life will return to normal within a few hours.

Posted by Clay R. Seay (Florida Homes Realty & Mortgage) about 7 years ago

That is really an ugly sight. It looks like a lot of things could come through that much space.

Betty

Posted by Team Honeycutt (Allen Tate) about 7 years ago

That's good thinking Jim, but really, you need to call now.

Mike - those are logistics details that the phone technician can help you with when you call.  I am not in that loop.  You're right, creativity should not be hidden!

Clay - Billy has already probably left for his Caribbean island...  He is doing very well.

Betty - ugly?  Billy's products are beauties!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

How incredibly funny! And you really have some great graphic design skills. Wonderful post! Had me cracking up. :)

Posted by Trisha Bush-LeFore, Providing Realtor Services in the Walla Walla Area (Preferred Properties Land & Homes) about 7 years ago

Glad you enjoyed it Trisha.  My clients thought each of those sink cabinet closures were fun too!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

Hysterical Billy! Ihave seen some of those amazing fixes during inspections. Is it too much to hope that the last time was really the last time?

Posted by Kelly Taylor (Keller Williams) about 7 years ago

Needed the laugh! Thanks for the comical post. It kind a looks like they put snow roof under there.

Posted by Tamra Lee Ulmer, NRBA ~FORCE~ Over 1000 REO Assets SOLD! (Arizona Resource Realty) about 7 years ago

 A much needed laugh--thanks!

Posted by Paul Collier, Paul Collier (Patriot Home Mortgage) about 7 years ago

Kelly - just when I think nothing more can beat what I just saw, I see something fantastic!

Tamra - they put the first foam they ran into at the hardware store!

Paul - I am glad, although it isn't good to laugh when you are that far underwater!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

Jay, this was a brilliant post.  Is there a "Post of the Year" award?  If so, this should be nominated.  Thank you!

Posted by Christopher Campa, Northern VA Realtor (LONG & FOSTER REAL ESTATE) about 7 years ago

Thank you Chris.  And you brought a tear to Billy's eye!  As you may know, he is very proud of his stuff.

Oh, I'd call now.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 7 years ago

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