It's your old friend Billy Jays here!
And I could not be more excited!
How often do you look under your sink, kitchen or bathroom, to see that gaping maw there?
You know, the hole large enough for the local lions and tigers to get through?
Well, I know it happens to me all the time! And one day I was thinking about what to do with it!
This is my first product that allows you to choose your own look when you look under that cabinet!!
I call the first one Close Yer Cabinet!
With Close Yer Cabinet! you will never again have to say, "Ma, that gapin' maw under the cabinet is sure stickin' in ma craw!"
But Billy, you say, you said I can choose my Close Yer Cabinet! look. Can that be true?
It can! It is true!
The first Close Yer Cabinet! is gorgeous!
I call it Billy Puff!
Yes, Billy Puff! will make quick work of that gaping maw!
So quick Ma won't know you were under her bathroom cabinet!
Yes, Billy Puff! makes that stick-in-yer-craw feeling go away quick!
Fortuitously, Billy Puff! comes with my special Pufferator Applicator!
So, when you call, and you should call now, and when you get one of my specially-trained phone technicians on the line, don't forget to ask for it!
Isn't the Pufferator Applicator! a beaut!?
But Billy Jays, you said there would be the choice between two products! I don't want to call until I've seen what it is! What else do you have?
I am so glad you asked that question!
Thinking back to my school days I remember making a shadow box one time and putting some plastic wrap over the top so my teacher could see inside.
I thought it was brilliant!
Well, here you go!
I call it Billy View!
With Billy View! you can see right into the wall through the backside of the cabinet!
You can Close Yer Cabinet! with Billy View! and sort of not close it at all!
It's a very zen product - closed but not closed!
Just look into that gaping maw!
Is there a leak there? NO!!
Is there a mouse in there? NO!!
Is there any of that pesky insulation in there? Again, NO!!
Like I said, brilliant!
When you call for Billy View! it automatically comes with a roll of
Billy Grays Tape!
But, Billy, you say, that looks like duct tape?
NO, NO, NO, that is Billy Grays Tape!
It's much better! And it's specially made to hold the plastic wrap in place!
Yes, you can CALL NOW!!
Not only will Ma be proud, so will your neighbors! When they come over just have them peek at the best! Billy Jays best!
They will be proud neighbors forever! I am so happy for you!
Of course, with every order, you get your choice of a case of Lotsa Nuts!
Billy Jays own Di-hydrogen Monoxide!
Or, you can order both!
When you feel like a snack, eat Lotsa Nuts!, because you are what you eat.
And what better to wash it down with but some cold, fresh Billy Jays Di-hydrogen Monoxide!
We filter our water to the minimum standards required by law! That's the code! And we stick to it!
I can sense your fingers just itching to call!
So, CALL NOW!!
Until next time, and my next product, this is Billy Jays signing off!
Remember, you can always count on Billy Jays!
And, CAAALLLL NOOOOWWW!!
Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC
Based in Bristow, serving all of Northern Virginia.
Office (703) 330-6388 Cell (703) 585-7560