About a year and a half ago I did an inspection for the head trainer for the Washington Redskins. He recommended shots for my very arthritic knees, a viscous material that surrounds the joint and stays there, acting like a little, oily pillow. As neither of my knees have cartilage between the upper and lower bones (my doctor calls them flat tires) I am a perfect candidate.
One of the products the trainer suggested to me was Euflexxa. There are many such viscous, injectable materials. No doctor since however wanted to do anything more than go in and "trim" things up. That is an expensive and short-term solution. And time consuming. The final solution would be new knees.
I DID NOT WANT TO GO THAT ROUTE.
A doctor was recommended to me who was said to be very common sensical and tried to avoid surgery at all costs. I set up an initial visit and he recommended Euflexxa.
Euflexxa requires three shots. It DOES NOT work on everybody. But if it works on one knee, we will do the other.
Arriving on time for my first injection, I was immediately ushered into the furthest room.
"Wait," is all I heard, and the door shut. I laid on the cushioned table. It wasn't very comfortable.
I was alone for a long, long time with my thoughts. It is easy for me to fall asleep, sometimes in seconds.
The room was dark and dank. Were there recordings, or did I really hear tortured screams, pain-filled moans, and rumbling thunder in the distance?
The thunder got louder and the lights would flicker with each crashing roar. I thought I heard soft, heavy objects hitting the floor, then the dragging of squishy things by the closed door to my room. Was that bare skin squealing on the vinyl floor as it slid by?
The screams and moans continued and louder. I'm not sure they were recordings.
A loud rap at the door was accompanied by barking and snarling dogs. Then HE entered. The traditional white doctor smock was replaced with a black, hooded robe. His hands were fitted with black leather gloves, both covered in sharp, pointed studs. The room suddenly got very, very cold!
Parting the hood briefly I saw his sinister, sarcastic smile. The teeth had all been filed to points!
"MY TOOLS!" Scrambling a nurse went to the cabinet to get him what he wanted.
I swear, the needle was 13", no 15", no 17" long! That was going to be my injection!
And I remember from our first meeting that it was going to be inserted all the way! I wasn't sure I would stay conscious, but I am certain I remember seeing the nurse pushing the doctor from behind as he slowly inserted the needle to the hilt!
Not sure how long it had been, I awoke in a deep puddle of cold sweat and a pungent shot of ammonia just under my nose.
"I NEED TABLE!" It was the nurse. She was not smiling. I was being dismissed. "YOU PAY!" I stumbled out of the room to the front desk, greeted with knowing smiles by all present. Demanding my co pay they merely pointed to the sign on the wall...
"REQUIRED TIP: 66% CASH ONLY"
The waiting room was full of women and children. I entered and in unison they all began wailing mournfully. Was it my appearance? They averted their eyes, mothers covering their childrens' faces as I passed.
Yes, it was my appearance... And only two more injections to go!
OK, that might not be how it went down. The doctor was terrific. He was gentle and the process was ABSOLUTELY PAINLESS.
In my nervousness my joke machine was set on high. I had everyone on the staff at one point or another looking into the room. The doctor's laughing wife grabbed my camera (I took the other photos) and said, "I HAVE to take a picture of this."
The doctor warned me that I didn't want to make him laugh! I actually had a pretty good time. And so did they.
And I didn't cry! Which got me my prized lollipop. Cherry red.
Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC
Based in Bristow, serving all of Northern Virginia.
Office (703) 330-6388 Cell (703) 585-7560