What I'm Seeing Now

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You Flexa. I Flexa. All Better Now.

About a year and a half ago I did an inspection for the head trainer for the Washington Redskins.  He recommended shots for my very arthritic knees, a viscous material that surrounds the joint and stays there, acting like a little, oily pillow.  As neither of my knees have cartilage between the upper and lower bones (my doctor calls them flat tires) I am a perfect candidate.

One of the products the trainer suggested to me was Euflexxa.  There are many such viscous, injectable materials.  No doctor since however wanted to do anything more than go in and "trim" things up.  That is an expensive and short-term solution.  And time consuming.  The final solution would be new knees.

I DID NOT WANT TO GO THAT ROUTE.

A doctor was recommended to me who was said to be very common sensical and tried to avoid surgery at all costs.  I set up an initial visit and he recommended Euflexxa. 

Euflexxa requires three shots.  It DOES NOT work on everybody.  But if it works on one knee, we will do the other.

Arriving on time for my first injection, I was immediately ushered into the furthest room.

"Wait," is all I heard, and the door shut.  I laid on the cushioned table.  It wasn't very comfortable.

I was alone for a long, long time with my thoughts.  It is easy for me to fall asleep, sometimes in seconds.

The room was dark and dank.  Were there recordings, or did I really hear tortured screams, pain-filled moans, and rumbling thunder in the distance?

The thunder got louder and the lights would flicker with each crashing roar.  I thought I heard soft, heavy objects hitting the floor, then the dragging of squishy things by the closed door to my room.  Was that bare skin squealing on the vinyl floor as it slid by?

The screams and moans continued and louder.  I'm not sure they were recordings.

A loud rap at the door was accompanied by barking and snarling dogs.  Then HE entered.  The traditional white doctor smock was replaced with a black, hooded robe.  His hands were fitted with black leather gloves, both covered in sharp, pointed studs.  The room suddenly got very, very cold!

Parting the hood briefly I saw his sinister, sarcastic smile.  The teeth had all been filed to points!

"MY TOOLS!"  Scrambling a nurse went to the cabinet to get him what he wanted.

I swear, the needle was 13", no 15", no 17" long!  That was going to be my injection!

And I remember from our first meeting that it was going to be inserted all the way!  I wasn't sure I would stay conscious, but I am certain I remember seeing the nurse pushing the doctor from behind as he slowly inserted the needle to the hilt!

Not sure how long it had been, I awoke in a deep puddle of cold sweat and a pungent shot of ammonia just under my nose.

"I NEED TABLE!"  It was the nurse.  She was not smiling.  I was being dismissed.  "YOU PAY!"  I stumbled out of the room to the front desk, greeted with knowing smiles by all present.  Demanding my co pay they merely pointed to the sign on the wall...

"REQUIRED TIP:  66%  CASH ONLY"

The waiting room was full of women and children.  I entered and in unison they all began wailing mournfully.  Was it my appearance?  They averted their eyes, mothers covering their childrens' faces as I passed.

Yes, it was my appearance...  And only two more injections to go!

______________

OK, that might not be how it went down.  The doctor was terrific.  He was gentle and the process was ABSOLUTELY PAINLESS.

In my nervousness my joke machine was set on high.  I had everyone on the staff at one point or another looking into the room.  The doctor's laughing wife grabbed my camera (I took the other photos) and said, "I HAVE to take a picture of this."

The doctor warned me that I didn't want to make him laugh!  I actually had a pretty good time.  And so did they.

And I didn't cry!  Which got me my prized lollipop.  Cherry red.

 

 

Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC  

Based in Bristow, serving all of Northern Virginia.

Office (703) 330-6388   Cell (703) 585-7560

www.jaymarinspect.com


Comment balloon 23 commentsJay Markanich • May 02 2012 02:52AM

Comments

Jay, thanks, it was a great read and I hope it works for your knees.

Cal

Posted by Cal Yoder, Homes For Sale in Lancaster PA - 717.413.0744 (Keller Williams Elite) almost 7 years ago

Jay , very funny. You have described my thoughts and fears every time I go to the doctor. Thanks for the tip. Keep us informed on how the shots work. I need new knees also, and would love to put it off for a few years.

Posted by Tom Bailey (Margaret Rudd & Associates Inc.) almost 7 years ago

I hope it works...but remember, at least you got a lollipop.  I hope they like your odd sense of humor.

Posted by Debbie Gartner, The Flooring Girl & Blog Stylist -Dynamo Marketers (The Flooring Girl) almost 7 years ago

Jay, Those cherry red lollipops are extra tasty!  I've had the meniscus tear cleanup years ago with the two hole cleanup.  The crutches were worse than the surgery.  My mom has went the synthetic fluid approach for years, but the knee replacement is finally coming at age 68....just nothing left in their to cushion the bones at all.  Bill

Posted by Liz and Bill Spear, RE/MAX Elite Warren County OH (Cincinnati/Dayton) (RE/MAX Elite 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com) almost 7 years ago

Morning Jay You got to tell me if it worked.  I can feel my knees going and I sure don't want or need another operation.

Posted by James Dray, Exceptional Agents, Outstanding Results (Fathom Realty AR LLC) almost 7 years ago

Glad you dodged the surgery bullet for a while.  But I did cringe at the photos of needles going into your knee.  Made me light-headed!  (What can I say...I hate needles!)

Posted by Kathryn Maguire, Serving Chesapeake, Norfolk, VA Beach (GreatNorfolkHomes.com (757) 560-0881) almost 7 years ago

I would say nice legs... but I don't want to lie...lol. I have had both knees scoped over the years. When the wheels go bad, it's not that much fun! Good luck Jay!

Posted by Fred Hernden, CMI, Albuquerque area Master Inspector (Superior Home Inspections - Greater Albuquerque Area) almost 7 years ago

You're too funny.  Next inspection I need to get that doctor's info from you.  I might be needing the same type of treatment for my knees. 

Posted by Chris Ann Cleland, Associate Broker, Bristow, VA (Long and Foster REALTORS®, Gainesville, VA) almost 7 years ago

Jay- what must go on in that mind of yours!!!!  I have a feeling I'll be a candidate for that shot in a few years.  How about one for the hips!!! Was that a bow-tie on your doctor??  

Posted by Kathy Streib, Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224 (Room Service Home Staging) almost 7 years ago

Jay -- great story -- too bad the pictures gave away what really happened.  Good luck on the next couple shots.

Posted by Steven Cook (No Longer Processing Mortgages.) almost 7 years ago

Me too Cal.  I am not sure the percentage of successful candidates, but still hope I am one of them.  Most days I am in excruciating pain.

Glad to do it Tom.  I told the doctor I would have some fun with him on line and he rolled his eyes.  In our two visits he has gotten to know me.

Debbie - they seemed to.  People kept stopping by just to listen to my silliness.  See the look on the doctor's face?

Bliz - he tells me that those "clean ups" are very temporary.  He also says GLUCOSAMINE DOESN'T WORK!  Showed me the many studies.  I have had a meniscus tear for a couple of years now and it is getting worse for sure.  I read where the fluids like Euflexxa can be damaging over time and the doctor said, "What do you care?  Your knees are crap now!  This will buy you another 10 years."  So there...

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) almost 7 years ago

James - the only way to know if these shots work is to get them!

Kathryn - my oldest son (hot shot lawyer for Boeing) cringed and my brother said he needed smelling salts.

Fred - the knees are pretty puffy!  I am going to avoid the scoping altogether.  But, as you know, getting into attics can be a female dog!

Chris Ann - you drive by his office all the time - Gabriel Gluck, right in front of PW Hospital on Sudley.  Terrific doctor, who treated my daughter during a broken growth plate when she was doing karate.

 

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) almost 7 years ago

Kathy - you have no idea!  So many different voices saying so many things...

I have not heard if this works for the hips.  Check with the various sites.

Yes, bow tie, handle-bar mustache and he brings his dog to work.  The dog dutifully lays in the doorway to his office, won't leave and whines the whole time from not getting enough attention!

Steven - that might be the guy after me, you don't know...  It could be I fell asleep for 38 seconds and that was my dream.

 

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) almost 7 years ago

OK, now that was funny.  Being one who is looking for alternatives to new knees, this inspired me to check it out.

Posted by Mike Cooper, GRI, Your Neighborhood Real Estate Sales Pro (Cornerstone Business Group Inc) almost 7 years ago

Look into it Mike.  And this doctor is great!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) almost 7 years ago

Glad to hear you were a good boy Jay.  Now be  good when climbing on houses.

Posted by Kenneth Cole, NYS Licensed Real Estate Salesperson (Weichert Realtors Appleseed Group, 2043 Richmond Ave. S.I.N.Y. 10314. office phone 718-698-9797, Appleseedhomes.com -) almost 7 years ago

Jay, Funny stuff there.

I may be needing the fix. I am experiencing my first knee issues ever. This sucks. I have given bone marrow before talk about big needles. It really was long and a had a chisle on the end of it. Ah what stupid stuff I did when I was younger

Posted by Donald Hester, NCW Home Inspections, LLC (NCW Home Inspections, LLC) almost 7 years ago

Roof are sometimes hard Ken, but more often it is harder getting in and out of attics.  I don't have a very good ability to flex the knees.

Don - I have heard that bone marrow donations are really painful.  I did not know why.  Apparently what I am thinking now is what is!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) almost 7 years ago

Say Jay; do you know what this  plant is?

Posted by Kenneth Cole, NYS Licensed Real Estate Salesperson (Weichert Realtors Appleseed Group, 2043 Richmond Ave. S.I.N.Y. 10314. office phone 718-698-9797, Appleseedhomes.com -) almost 7 years ago

Yes I do Ken.  Why do you ask?

http://activerain.com/blogsview/3160410/-tis-the-season-for-poison-ivy

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) almost 7 years ago

The cherry red lollipop makes it all worthwhile doesn't it Jay?

Thanks for the post, hope the injections are helping.

Posted by Tom Arstingstall, General Contractor, Dry Rot, Water Damage Sacramento, El Dorado County - (916) 765-5366, General Contractor, Dry Rot and Water Damage (Dry Rot and Water Damage www.tromlerconstruction.com Mobile - 916-765-5366) almost 7 years ago

I just sold a house and this is on the front fence.  I'll check back to you post to see what it is.  Thanks.

Posted by Kenneth Cole, NYS Licensed Real Estate Salesperson (Weichert Realtors Appleseed Group, 2043 Richmond Ave. S.I.N.Y. 10314. office phone 718-698-9797, Appleseedhomes.com -) almost 7 years ago

It did Tom.  When we were kids and had a "difficult" doctor visit, my mother would take us to get frozen custard from a place near the doctors office.  My brother wrote me and said I deserved frozen custard after that one!  Hey, two more yet!  And if they work, three more after that!

Trust me Ken.  That is Rhus toxicodendron and Rhus radicans and will cause contact dermatitis.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) almost 7 years ago

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