I have to say, when I first heard that I was being reported, it worried me because I did not know what I had done. And I really didn't know what it meant. The phone call started by telling me that I'm being reported.
When I found out why, I laughed out loud! It made my day!
Report me? To whom? Toward what end?
I should back up. Do you want to see what the hub bub is about?
This very cute staircase!
And I use the word "staircase" loosely.
It seems I upset the seller of this fine staircase. Yes, the seller is indeed selling this staircase as it appertains to the house. And the seller desires to sell the house.
On my report I identified the many problems with this staircase.
1. It is not attached to the house.
2. As such it wobbles dramatically.
3. What's holding it up is the house itself. Do you see it leaning to the right? Leaning to the left, with enough pressure, I think it would fall over.
4. One side is sinking.
5. The stair treads are loosely nailed, are cracked and move.
6. The stair treads are resting on the ground.
7. The very stable support columns onto which the stair treads are attached are not sunk very deep into the ground. They move easily. They should be 24" deep.
8. It has crushed the bath vent coming out of the wall.
9. There is no guard/hand rail.
You get the idea. I may have forgotten something.
After laughing, I asked the agent why I'm being reported. The seller objected to my "editorializing" according to the agent, and that's why he was "reporting" me. Apparently I was being "inflammatory," and had no right to editorialize on the report. Hmmm... you sure?
So why the objection? Apparently the seller was upset because at the end of one of my comments in the report I said the staircase was "wobbly, unsound and dangerous."
You create a dangerous safety issue and I should not identify it as dangerous?
Go ahead and report me! To whom!? The County? You sure you want the County showing up about this, buddy? My home inspection associations? They would publish this nationwide and use you as a poster boy! The state? Your congressman? Who!!
AND PLEASE DO! I want to show up at the same time as some committee of Harumphers with a couple of hula hoops. And I am going to ask that the seller and the oldest, fattest, most vulnerable Harumpher stand on the third step and do the hula hoop dance together!
My recommendation: when sellers object in ways that are a bit out there and over the top about a home inspection report, confront it head on! And have them call me so I can enjoy another laugh! We don't laugh enough.
Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC
Based in Bristow, serving all of Northern Virginia.
Office (703) 330-6388 Cell (703) 585-7560