What I'm Seeing Now

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Bend Yer Bolt!

Have you noticed how your deck beams, posts and columns are bolted but still feel loose?

Do you go out onto the deck to feel things wobbling about?

Is it a worry that you want to go away?

Well, worry no more!

Hi, Billy Jays here!

I know it bothers me when I go onto a deck and things are a bit wobbly.

Or if I go underneath and see that the through bolts have no nuts on them!

Or even if the through bolts do have nuts on them and things are still wobbly!

Well, let this bother you no more!!

You need Bend Yer Bolt!

Yes, Bend Yer Bolt! will change your life!

It will certainly change your deck!

Yes, Bend Yer Bolt! will work with or without a nut!

And once bent, just imagine how solid your bolt, AND YOUR DECK, will be!

AND HOW FUN TO KNOW YOUR BOLTS WILL NEVER COME OUT AGAIN! 

NO MORE DECK LOOSEY, GOOSEY!

So call now and get my special kit of bolt benders!

Don't think those are just regular pipes either!

Those babies are specially selected, specially sized, and guaranteed to fit any bolt you come up against!

Just find the right size, slip it over the bolt and Bend Yer Bolt!

Nothing could be easier!

So CALL NOW!  Our warehouse is full and our very professional, pipe smoking, um, pipe-informed operators are bending over backwards to ship our product out our door right to your door!

And if you call now, and promise to tell a friend, cause we can't do this all day, we'll also ship you a case of Lotsa Nuts!

No, not nuts for your deck!

Lotsa Nuts! silly!  You eat'em!

When you feel like a snack, eat Lotsa Nuts!

Cause you are what you eat!

So, don't get caught again with a deck with loose bolts!

And don't worry if your bolts have nuts or not!

Get Bend Yer Bolt! and your worries will go away!

Imagine how happy your neighbors will be to know they are on a deck with bolts that simply can't come loose!  I know, I know, you'll only have to tell them that Billy Jays took care of that! 

They'll feel better right away!

So, Bend Yer Bolt! and eat Lotsa Nuts! 

Life is good.  So CALL NOW!!

 

 

Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC  

Based in Bristow, serving all of Northern Virginia.

Office (703) 330-6388   Cell (703) 585-7560

www.jaymarinspect.com


Comment balloon 29 commentsJay Markanich • January 12 2011 08:09AM

Comments

Good morning Jay. It looks as if Unhandy Andy strikes again. They must've gotten their contractors license  out of a Cracker Jack box...

Posted by TeamCHI - Complete Home Inspections, Inc., Home Inspectons - Nashville, TN area - 615.661.029 (Complete Home Inspections, Inc.) over 8 years ago

Hey Billy...those bent bolts look much stronger than those silly straight ones...sure can see why you would use 'em and bet the building inspector can too !

Posted by Sally K. & David L. Hanson, WI Realtors - Luxury - Divorce (EXP Realty 414-525-0563) over 8 years ago

I met the contractor on the site for this inspection Michael!  There were a thousand things like this.  The guy is a joke and by the end, with the enormity of my "list of things," he was upset with me!

Gee S&D, you are so right it goes without saying.  Billy will be happy to hear your comment.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

I think I've already got a couple of your bolt benders behind the shed under half a foot of snow :)

Posted by Liz and Bill Spear, RE/MAX Elite Warren County OH (Cincinnati/Dayton) (RE/MAX Elite 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com) over 8 years ago

But, Bliz, do you have the specially selected set Billy is offering?  And remember, if you call now you get a case of Lotsa Nuts! too...

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

Yes Billy Jay, life is good.  And you're a gem.

Posted by Kenneth Cole, NYS Licensed Real Estate Salesperson (Weichert Realtors Appleseed Group, 2043 Richmond Ave. S.I.N.Y. 10314. office phone 718-698-9797, Appleseedhomes.com -) over 8 years ago

Gotta have some fun somewhere in life Ken!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

Jay, you have found your calling... I will be looking for you when insomnia strikes and I am browsing late night infomercials=)

... or be "seeing" you in my nightmares ;-)

Posted by Chris Smith, South Simcoe, Caledon, King, Orangeville Real Esta (Re/Max Chay Realty Inc., Brokerage) over 8 years ago

Chris - that would make my day, or night!  Isn't it great when nightmares re-occur?

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

Jay, time is money and why waste time on going back to buy the washers and nuts you forgot originally if you've got a Bolt Bender in the truck

Posted by Ed Silva, Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally (RE/MAX Professionals, CT 203-206-0754 ) over 8 years ago

Who needs Nuts when you've got the bolt bender with the stylish painted rings?? :)

Posted by Liz and Bill Spear, RE/MAX Elite Warren County OH (Cincinnati/Dayton) (RE/MAX Elite 513.520.5305 www.LizTour.com) over 8 years ago

Billy Jay ~  You are such a genius:  Education with a smile!!!  I'm placing an order right away, right after I lean on the deck button!

Posted by Tish Lloyd, Broker - Wilmington NC and Surrounding Beaches (BlueCoast Realty Corporation) over 8 years ago

That, Ed, is exactly why Billy jumped right onto this.  He is quite the marketing opportunist and champion!

Bliz - naturally.  I hear Billy is making them individually colored for future shipments!  Do you like pink?  Blue?

Good job Tish.  I think this is why Billy uses my site to market his stuff.  It gets such an immediate response!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

Jay,

That is an extension of the theory that you bend over all the nails to make them stronger. Bad advice far as I can tell.

Posted by Steven L. Smith, Bellingham WA Home Inspector (King of the House Home Inspection, Inc.) over 8 years ago

Steve - I am not sure Billy would be selling anything that gives bad advice, but you might want to take that theory up with him.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

Great blog post and humor.  I always look forward to Billy Jay's next kernel of "advice"!!

Posted by Cara Marcelle Mancuso, Call a Marana neighbor, I'm THERE! LONG REALTY (Long Realty - Dove Mountain, Marana AZ) over 8 years ago

Jay, in case you had not noticed---Billy Jay is out of control

Posted by Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector (Charles Buell Inspections Inc.) over 8 years ago

Jay, being on the front lines of a home purchase, you must see all kinds of weird home handyman fixes. Plenty of material for future blogs.

Posted by Craig Snead, Real Estate Investor (Quality Home Investments, LLC / Dearborn Heights, MI) over 8 years ago

Jay - I think that may be a security measure to insure no one steals the deck.

Posted by John Mulkey, Housing Guru (TheHousingGuru.com) over 8 years ago

Cara - he is full of it, in more ways than one!  I'm glad you enjoy the humor, but the instruction is there also!

Charlie - now you tell me, if you wanted someone to market your products, who would you call?

Craig - there sure is a lot of material out there!  And it makes for great home inspector instruction on the AR site, by many people.

John - certainly an aspect I had not thought of, but valid nonetheless!  I don't think that deck is going anywhere soon...

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

OMG, Jay, you are too funny!  I love learning things with humor thrown in.  Super post!

Posted by Barbara Altieri, REALTOR-Fairfield County CT Homes/Condos For Sale (RealtyQuest/Kinard Realty Group, Fairfield and New Haven County CT Real Estate) over 8 years ago

Thank you Barbara.  There are 20 Billy Jays posts now.  I like doing them!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

-----uhhhh---let me see-----Nutsy?  Certainly not Billy Jay

Posted by Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector (Charles Buell Inspections Inc.) over 8 years ago

This post is full of nuts or just plain nuts, actually I prefer salted nuts, not plain. I think Billy Jays might be as bent as some of those bolts. Oh and I think Charlie,s nuts for thinking Nutsy could sell anything.

Posted by James Quarello, Connecticut Home Inspector (JRV Home Inspection Services, LLC) over 8 years ago

The day you call Nutsy to market your product(s) Charlie, give me a call cause I want to watch!

Jim - ditto on the Nutsy, as that's nuts, roasted or otherwise.  Billy is bent?  No way man - marketing marketeer!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

Jay, 

Amazing how close to Billy you look?  Great way to bring up a serious issue.  My darn deck is not as well built as it should be.  We just don't use it.  However, plans are underway for a whole new one to rip off and rebuild, as there is nothing to work with in the original.   (Even wood posts aren't in cement - ah, that darn ETW issue....) Just bad.

It's amazing how hard folks work to build items badly!

All the best, Michelle

Posted by Michelle Francis, Realtor, Buckhead Atlanta Homes for Sale & Lease (Tim Francis Realty LLC) over 8 years ago

Michelle - you are right, people do go to great lengths to do things wrongly!  One problem might be all these do-it-yourself shows on TV and people watch them and see stuff built in half an hour and think they can do it too!

You're right, that Billy is ruggedly handsome.  And that guy on the nuts can!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

Billy Jay - I think those Bend Your Bolts will make a nice gift for some of my clients who have tapped into the street corner labor pool instead of hiring the licensed contractors I recommend. Maybe accompanied by a can of your Lotsa Nuts just to make the message a bit clearer...

Posted by Menlo Park Real Estate and Homes for Sale, WendeByTheBay.com - 650.504.0219 - SF Peninsula (Wende Schoof) over 8 years ago

It will all be on the way Wende, if you call now!

P.s.  Don't ever hire the corner labor pool!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 8 years ago

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