Saturday morning I flew from Washington DC to Utah to visit Grand Boy.
My return was Sunday afternoon, so it was a quick trip.
Where the kid keeps coming up with the Redskin paraphernalia I don't know, but I think he looks good in the colors!
However, because of the shortness of the trip, all I had was a small overnight bag.
Going out was no problem. I don't do the super-duper X-ray because I avoid X-rays and don't think anyone knows, despite the best gubment research and statements, what kind of dose that machine gives people.
So, refusing the X-ray requires THE PAT DOWN.
THE PAT DOWN requires THE BLUE RUBBER GLOVES!
Well, if some TSA guy wants to feel me up and down and get jealous, who am I?
Despite very serious interest in my knee brace, which apparently nobody has ever seen before (!), my intimacy with the agent was uneventful.
Coming home however was a different story!
After wiping the gloves all over you and your clothing, they swab the gloves with 2x2" cotton pads and "test" them for what ever.
After the cotton pad test, the agent comes to me and says, "Sir, you have tested positive for explosives. We will need you to step into ... THE ROOM." THE ROOM is off to the side, all opaque, bullet proof glass, and already waiting for me are two more TSA agents, each pulling on their own special gloves.
Wow, it's a cluster PAT DOWN! So to speak... And the door is closed. Intimate privacy you know.
My new special friend says, "Sir, I will be giving you the same PAT DOWN you had out there, except this time I will be using only the palms of my hands."
"And I hope you have a good time!" I said, yes, really saying that.
At one point, I thought he was going to say, "Cough." But he didn't. Any women reading this might not understand that...
Meanwhile, the other two agents are going through everything in my bag, wiping the cotton pads all over each content, clothing or otherwise. By the time they are done, they have used 18 or 20 pads!
The gloves and all those pads are re-tested, with NO RESULTS! Of course not. And I was free to go, after getting redressed and repacked... Well, I don't want the rest of the airport getting jealous either.
What do I think? Here is a guy with a small bag, and in 24 hours flying out of Washington DC's Dulles Airport and returning to Dulles Airport. That's where TSA Headquarters is. He is alone, minimal belongings, a knee brace and small things stuffed into each pocket of the bag and his coat. Everything was examined. There were lots of questions. They were very thorough.
I THINK THEY THOUGHT I WAS A TEST! Kind of like a secret shopper at the store. Those people who come in and buy a pair of socks, asking lots of questions and seeing how competent, helpful and friendly the store employees are. And while I had nothing that I was trying to "slip" by security, as you hear happening on the news now and again, I was a half hour of fun for three TSA agents!
The three smiles as I left said it all. I think I made their day. We were, after all, very close.
I did get some raised eyebrows as I left though. With a wave I said, "See you again, boys." Gotta keep'em guessing!
Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC 
Based in Bristow, serving all of Northern Virginia.
Office (703) 330-6388 Cell (703) 585-7560
Jay,
I have to fly to Anaheim next month and I am starting to buy into the "Fly Nekkid" strategy...
Nice very nice but if you look at is as though you were carrying explosives it's apparent they did their job..
Nice grandson, I would not like the room. Glad you got a chance to see the kids.
Your flight OUT was from the DC area and YES, they thought you were a TEST and would give them a GREAT review!
I think they have your internet history with research for explosives, etc.
Mike - with an aluminum foil fig leaf over the interesting spots!
James - the only explosive thing on me was my Sonny Jurgensen Redskin jersey, and in Salt Lake that probably isn't much to gain attention!
Ken - it was a quick, but nice visit. The room was okay, just big enough for the four of us!
Wallace - would that there was such a history! But dey ain't wun. I wonder if they are expecting "the review!?"
Well, I'm sure that gun powder residue permeates every particle of my clothing and bags.
No matter, I don't plan to fly anywhere anyway. Granted Utah is a long way, but I'd be tempted to take the train.
The entire process is a farce of "feel good" public relations from Napolitano who has the intelligence of a . . . . . . I can't think of a "lower" animal that ignorant.
Of course, the terrorists have moved on to automobiles, busses and trains, subways, bridges and dams, private planes and airports and shopping centers.
The disdain in which the American populace is held by the Obama administration is palpable.
Good morning Jay. I don't plan on flying anywhere anytime too soon. But I will be ready for either the x-ray or the obligatory pat down. Thanks for the heads up...
I have a cousin in New Jersey who was planning a trip out our way.....she is considering the train for the same reason....we get it we get it...can you have toooo much information...toooo many cotton pads...we can't know all the reasons...
It's too bad that things have deteroirated to the point that this is a fact of life.
Jay, it is interesting. We flew south last Nov, and we both received the pst down, and the people couldn't appreciate how upset I was. The woman patting down the women was drop down beautiful, and I tried to get in line behind my wife so I could at least enjoy some of it, but they made me go over to the guy that looked like that cave man in the commercials. Too bad
Well, Lenn, when they instituted this new crack down on freedom I decided I would not fly until the next sensible President to come along. But the baby was ready for his blessing (I am LDS and we don't baptize babies, but give them blessings and a name) and I wanted to be there. The train is the best option, but don't think that isn't next for the "equipment" and "security."
Michael - I suggest walking, or biking. And it's more enjoyable! I will look forward to your camera shots along the way!
S&D - it has gotten a bit ridiculous. The train may be in my future!
I don't know about that Brian! The danger from the X-ray machine is calculated to be one death in 30 million. That is the same actuarial calculation as from a terrorist attack in this country. Things I think have been made to look that way. There is something else up, and it isn't terrorist danger.
Ed - true story - the lady in front of me could have been a bathing suit model and was gorgeous. When she went through the machine I bet 6 or 8 "agents" had a look...
They don't let genders mix for THE PAT DOWN! Gee, why?
It's getting so bad that if you can't afford a colonoscopy, just go to the airport.
He is getting big.
I hope you enjoyed your free massage (they will soon be charging for this service)
Enjoy the day
Not far from the truth Ken!
And when they do, Don, they will shut down air travel completely. Everything, virtually everything, about flying now is charged for.
Jay - I understand why they might want to give you a closer look; after all you perfectly fit the mold of all the terrorists we've seen. At least they didn't use the taser on you.
Pretty funny. Glad you were so amicable to the agents.
If everyone just stopped flying you would see this ridiculousness suddenly become more "reasonable" over night.
Hi Jay, I agree with Charles! I say hire physicians to do the patdowns and read the full body scan ...kind of like a quick health check. Just pick up your medical records with your luggage on the other side of the conveyor belt. :) jay
John - I am interested in what tasing feels like. I should have screamed, "Please taze me Bro!" That might have gotten a real rise out of the group!
Jeremy - I asked them a lot of questions. They answered all of them politely. The only question I asked that got DEAD SILENCE was, "Would you be doing this if I was a Muslim female wearing a burka?"
Hmmmm, why no response?
Charlie - I thought the outrage during the Thanksgiving week end was going to send a message, but nobody heard!
Jay - good idea. We could kill two gubment mandates with one stone!
Nice to see you are helping out the government employees. I'm sure they appreciated the practice. Btw love the look on grand baby's face.
He's saying, "Oh no! I'm a Redskin fan?" Well, Jim, always happy to help out. I donate myself to the advancement science... at the risk, of course, of making everyone jealous.
Jay, Some how I think holding that little grandson of yours made it all worthwhile! He sure is a cutie!
Jay,
Thanks for making their day. I am talking with people every day who are skipping the plane and driving - even more than 12 hours to their destination. :)
Steve
Well, Wende, that was the purpose of the trip! I knew what I was getting into when I entered the airport!
Steve - yep! But I didn't have that kind of time!
Wow! I had no idea what involve refusing the x-ray...I am glad to see that they are so thorough but on the other hand, is it what those "weirdos" have reduce us to? Guess you will be seeing them again!
They make you wait also, Lydie, for a long time so the next time you won't be so quick to refuse an X-ray! It won't work on me, as I will not have one. And will not be flying again until this is changed.
Such a funny recount. Hope it was as fun for you as it was for them.
Ha! Debbie, I found it ridiculous. How many white guys WORLDWIDE have blown up an airplane with explosives, ever? There was no explosives residue on me. And I think the knew that! But I made it fun.