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Jay's Fabulous Fall Home Maintenance List - On Bizarro World

It's fall here on earth and time to get the house ready for winter.  For some of us the house needs to be ready for cold, and for others maybe only for cool-er or wetter ...

Fortunately for us, it is spring on Bizarro World.  You remember Bizarro World?  From the Superman comics?  On Bizarro World, the cubed planet Htrae (Earth backwards), everything is opposite or backwards of what it would be on earth.  The people are grossly ugly, they try to break things, lose money in investments, wash with dry dirt - well you get it.  And everything they do is considered the right thing to do.

Since it is spring, Bizarro Worlders are trying disrepair their houses in time for the cold weather.  I publish their list, perhaps for the first time in history:

  • CO Monitor - break the test button so it can never be pushed.
  • Pests - why bother?  Let them run free.
  • Moss on the roof - perfect!  Leave it alone.
  • Gutters and downspouts - keep them clogged!
  • Boilers - an unsafe safety-relief valve not tested is the best relief valve.
  • Furnace - never, ever oil anything.
  • What's an HVAC filter?  Don't even check for one.
  • Caulk nothing, leave gaps, don't eliminate mold or muck.
  • Smoke detector - why have them anyway?  But break that button too.
  • TPR valves - testing is always a bad thing.
  • Hose bib - leave on full power at the indoor valve so it freezes.
  • Water heater - it is illegal to hook up a hose and drain a little out.
  • Toilet - hopefully it rocks on the floor so badly it can't be tightened.
  • Septic system - it should be years and years of never pumping it out.
  • Private water system - never add pressure to the blue tank.
  • Smoke detector battery - remove now!  Don't replace!
  • Foundation - slope toward the house and don't extend downspouts.
  • Wood-burning chimneys - let the creosote build.  And build.
  • Kitchen inspection - grease should get thick on everything.
  • Refrigerator - sweep dirt under it and never vacuum the coils.
  • Garage door - should it work at all?  Never oil anything.
  • Disposal - bones clean it really well.  Baking soda and vinegar don't.
  • Fire extinguisher - don't bother checking the pressure dial!
  • GFI's - those buttons should be stuck and don't do anything anyway.

Well, what do you think of the list?  Enjoy!

Hopefully it helps.  Read it carefully! 

Keep it in your pocket and pull it out as you walk around the house.

It should come in handy.

And, as to lists, we all use them and we all need them.

 

And remember, old Realtors and home inspectors never die.

The just grow listless...

 

 

Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC  

Based in Bristow, serving all of Northern Virginia.

Office (703) 330-6388   Cell (703) 585-7560

www.jaymarinspect.com


Comment balloon 57 commentsJay Markanich • September 25 2010 06:16AM

Comments

NOT FUNNY!!! over 45 years, my residents have done ALL of these in my rental properties!  HAHA!

Posted by Wallace S. Gibson, CPM, LandlordWhisperer (Gibson Management Group, Ltd.) over 7 years ago

Jay:  Ridiculous; not going to bother printing it off and starting the list today!

Posted by Tish Lloyd, Broker - Wilmington NC and Surrounding Beaches (BlueCoast Realty Corporation) over 7 years ago

H-m-m-m-m, Sadly Bizarro world is alive and well here on terra firma...

Posted by TeamCHI - Complete Home Inspections, Inc., Home Inspectons - Nashville, TN area - 615.661.029 (Complete Home Inspections, Inc.) over 7 years ago

Fun read to start the day, Jay.  Some of these items look familiar... I may have seen them showing property.

Posted by Margaret Woda, Maryland Real Estate & Military Relocation (Long & Foster Real Estate, Inc.) over 7 years ago

Very clever.  Glad you're pro-life...I'm all for those pests, too.  Another benefit is that you are recyling and reusing your food and your home so you can support those bugs.

Posted by Debbie Gartner, The Flooring Girl & Blog Stylist -Dynamo Marketers (The Flooring Girl) over 7 years ago

Wallace - gee, how did I know that was coming?  Your renters don't have the wherewithal to take care of the house they're in?  Shocking...

Tish - pretty clever my dear.  That's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it, uh huh, uh huh...

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Jay:

Well, this is certainly a break from the boring "have to" lists for fall cleanup.  I think I have seen some homes that live in Bizarro World.

 

Posted by Claudette Millette, Buyer, Broker - Metrowest Mass (The Buyers' Counsel) over 7 years ago

Thanks for the humor! I jumped to the list and had to do a double take!

Posted by Betsy Schuman Dodek, SearchPotomacHomes.com (Washington Fine Properties - Washington DC Area Real Estate) over 7 years ago

'Tis true Michael, 'tis true.  What do investors call it?  Oh yeah, "deferred" maintenance.  It's hard to imagine you get any of that down there.  My brother is in Old Hickory, but he seems to keep his house okay.  He is a silent partner at Abernathy Road.  You should stop by - maybe he'll be in there.

Margaret - Could be you have seen them all!  And might see them all in one day!  Take today for instance...

Our date in Annapolis will happen one day soon.  Do you like Buddy's or somewhere else?  I was a little disappointed with Buddy's the last time I went, in the spring.

Debbie - hey, you changed your title!  Another blog I subscribe to is the HousingGuru.  I am pro-life, well, except for cats...  he says with a wink.  It's funny how people are.  I can go into a house that has been vacant for a year and if there were cats I will know it in about 10 minutes!  And here you snuggle widdem!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Claudette - boring list?  Now whatever do you mean?  Hope you don't get any boring list-ings...

Betsy - I can't imagine any of this stuff happens over in Potomac, but hey, who knows.  When I lived in Kensington we all thought Potomac would not even allow us to drive through!  I played lots of sports in high school, and on "away" games to Whitman I was always impressed!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Hi Jay -- Hysterical, and I've run into a few  homes that are closer to this list than ideal.

Posted by Chris Olsen, Broker Owner Cleveland Ohio Real Estate (Olsen Ziegler Realty) over 7 years ago

Jay, I think there is a little spill over from Htrae over here. Thanks for the humor this morning.

Posted by Michael Setunsky, Your Commercial Real Estate Link to Northern VA over 7 years ago

Jay I thought I had put that list in my toolbox so you couldn't find it.  Darn...oh wait where is my toolbox?

Posted by Cindy Jones, Pentagon, Fort Belvoir & Quantico Real Estate News (Integrity Real Estate Group) over 7 years ago

I don't remember Superman or Bizarro world... I was not into comic books.  I really only liked comics for girls, like Archie, I could identify with Betty or Veronica,   but I still get it.  I like your list.  Thanks for the laughs. 

Posted by Maureen McCabe, Columbus Ohio Real Estate (HER Realtors) over 7 years ago

Jay, I take it you had one of those kinds of inspections yesterday that inspired you? Very funny, but not far from reality in some of the homes we see.

Posted by Jeffrey Jonas- Minnesota Home Inspector (Critical Eye Property Inspections / JRJ Consultants) over 7 years ago

Chris - say it ain't so!  You can't be sure about that.

Michael - more and more each day, it seems!

Cindy - I thought I saw it behind that barn in Leesburg where I found that license plate from 1953...

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Glad you enjoyed it Maureen!  I never had Superman underwear, but he was my favorite comic character.  I liked Spiderman and the Hulk too.  Oh, and I liked Betty more than Veronica.  Growing up, we actually named one of our parakeets Archie!

Jeff - every day my friend!  I had to come up with my annual list, but do it differently.  Still thinking about how to do winter...

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

This makes you smile and the absurdity of it makes you remember!

Posted by Cheryl Ritchie, Southern Maryland 301-980-7566 (RE/MAX Leading Edge www.GoldenResults.com) over 7 years ago

What a long list of things to do that I shouldn't be doing.  Glad I live in an condo building where most of those items are somebody elses responsibility

Posted by Eileen Hsu, LICENSED REAL ESTATE SALESPERSON (Douglas Elliman Real Estate) over 7 years ago

Jay, I've just gotta say..... We live in Bizzarro World right now.  I know people with most of the items on you your list.

Posted by Ralph Janisch ABR CRS Broker, Selling Northwest Houston to good people like you! (Janisch & Co.) over 7 years ago

Jay,

You made my day again, by the way some of my clients could not belive they were actually meant to drain their water heaters yearly. It just amazed them when I showed them how...

-Brent

Posted by Brent & Deb Wells, Prosper TX (LivingWell Properties) over 7 years ago

Thanks for the chuckle Jay!   But, I guess some of them are not so funny : )

Posted by Yvette Chisholm, Associate Broker - Rockville, MD 301-758-9500 (Long & Foster Real Estate, Inc.) over 7 years ago

This iwas just fabulous...I feel cheated, though, as I was about to hit the suggest button when I realize someone beat me to it!  Congrats on the feature.  Again.  ;-)

Posted by Susan Haughton, Susan & Mindy Team...Honesty. Integrity. Results. (Long and Foster REALTORS (703) 470-4545) over 7 years ago

!yaJ tsil taerG

Posted by Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector (Charles Buell Inspections Inc.) over 7 years ago

Hey Jay I remember Bizzaro World...in fact I have relatives who still live there.

The moss on the roof, you mean it doesn't give the home a cottage feel??? A question from a client, I had to get her out of Bizzaro World pronto!

Posted by Cynthia Bartch, Redesigned Spaces; All Round Nice Gal (Home Stager/Property Stylist & more! Granville, Ohio) over 7 years ago

Jay,

Nice change from lists...and I like Charle's comment...

Posted by Lori Churchill Cofer, Realtor - 509-330-0086 - Pullman, WA (Beasley Realty) over 7 years ago

Cheryl - that's the idea!  So you can remind yourself, "Oh, don't forget to remember to break the smoke detector button!"

Eileen - there aren't things on that list you shouldn't pay attention to.  Bizarro speak.

Jeanne and Ralph - I hear you!  Most days I walk right through the door into Bizarro World.  Gee, a blog here and there maybe?

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Brent - and be sure not to do it regularly, or should you...?  Now I'm Bizarro confused!

Yvette - you are welcome and you are right, sometimes it isn't funny!

Susan - you have to be the first to do that?  I have not paid so much attention to that button, and I have exactly one!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Charlie - !nia gayb opts dluo cuoy dalG  !onamreH saicarG

Cynthia - I don't see too much moss, but lichens and black goop is around here.  I'd keep those clients out of there too.

Lori - gee, I didn't notice anything funny about Charlie's comment.  Glad you liked the change!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Hey Jay - I was about 4 items into your before I got it and then I laughed myhead off!  Thanks for a great post!  I intend to get on every singe itm listed - before lunchtime.  Oh, too late . . .

Posted by Peggy Noel, Bouchard, ABR, CDPE, SFR (RE/MAX Commonwealth) over 7 years ago

Jay - I'm confused. If this is from Bizarro World, why is it common procedure here on terra firma?

Posted by John Mulkey, Housing Guru (TheHousingGuru.com) over 7 years ago

Peggy - you should at least get all the way through the list without making any judgments!   ;)

John - THAT is the $64,000 question!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Jay, you mean these are not supposed to be done? I have servicemen telling me to do some of these and they always greet me with a smile as they come through the door.

Posted by Ed Silva, Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally (RE/MAX Professionals, CT 203-206-0754 ) over 7 years ago

Jay: Very funny list, although after I laughed so hard, I sighed about how common this attitude is. Why do people let their most prized investment got to rot???

Posted by Patrick Schorle, Patrick Schorle (Pacifica Real Estate Inc.) over 7 years ago

Jay - such a humorous list...and oh how true!  I just love seeing these deferred maintenance items when walking through homes!

Posted by Kevin Teeters, Hickory NC Realtors (Kevin Teeters Realty LLC) over 7 years ago

This list is awesome! Not. Because if prospective buyer who is currently renting from Wallace (see #1), and actively following the list, decides to buy and learns s/he has to now do the opposite - s/he might never buy...  

Posted by Anna Tolstoy (Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage) over 7 years ago

HA HA HA this is hilarious!  Bizarro is right, but we've seen this, and still can't understand the mindset.  Which reminds me, I better WD-40 everything today.

Posted by Carla Muss-Jacobs, Principal Broker (503) 810-7192, Buyer Focused ~ Buyer Results (BuyersAgentPortland.com | Portland Metro Exclusive Buyers Agent | 100% Buyer Representation ~ 100% of the Time) over 7 years ago

Some nice reminders here, Jay. Many people forget about the 'storage space' under the fridge.

Posted by John Novak, Henderson, Las Vegas and Summerlin Real Estate (Keller Williams Realty The Marketplace) over 7 years ago

On the other side of comment #1 When I was younger, I can still remember paying way to much rent to landlords who must have followed the Bizarro code! Great Post!

Posted by Russell Lewis, Broker,CLHMS,GRI (Realty Austin, Austin Texas Real Estate) over 7 years ago

I recently had a seller tell me he lived in his rural house for 25 years and was never told by anyone he HAD to clean out the septic. He didn't even know where the drainfield was!

Posted by Erica Ramus, MRE, Schuylkill County PA Real Estate (Erica Ramus - Ramus Realty Group - Pottsville, PA ) over 7 years ago

Ha! Ha!  Erica, we sold a house that the seller thought it had been converrted.  Boy, was everyone nervous when they did the septic inspection...turned out okay  Good post Jay!

Posted by Alan Bruzee (Long & Foster Real Estate, Inc.) over 7 years ago

Wow, Ed.  I don't know what to say, except that it's bizarre.

Patrick - I think a lot of it is simply ignorance.  They need a good list!

Kevin - that list comes from my book.  The Bizarro twist does not!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Anna - maybe if Wallace gave them the opposite list they would do it!?    ;)

Carla - I know I've seen it!  By the way, do you know what WD-40 stands for?  Give you a hint - it was a VERY good year when that came out...

John - I know and I don't understand why...   ;)  There's some good room behind too.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Russell - I think I did too!  Have tha landlords gotten any better since then?

Erica - yikes!  I am surprised at that one!  It could be that when the pump that tank out it collapses.

Alan - how can you buy a house with a septic and not know!?  Glad it pumped turned out OK...!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

I've always found that painting over the GFI outlets to be a solid practice...  Solid as in making the test button solid in the outlet so that it can't be tested... or so that it can't pop at all...

Posted by Lane Bailey, Realtor & Car Guy (Century 21 Results Realty) over 7 years ago

Lane - that is a solution I happen to see all the time!  Maybe because it is so common on Earth it could not be so on Bizzaro World because they are the opposite or backwards of us!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Jay,

Your superman there has a face kind of like Frankenstein.

Posted by Steven L. Smith, Bellingham WA Home Inspector (King of the House Home Inspection, Inc.) over 7 years ago

Jay...what a perfect way to end this day online..That list is so great; the comments top each other; and your bizarro  comments were clear until #29 answer to Charlie/
By the way, all night on the Rain strange things have been happening: such as flashing words at the bottom of screens where usually only the word "done" appears;  formatting of Rain set up changes from small right hand side & large left hand side and back again.  So-o-o perhaps you are the reason for all these  bizarre items.
Whatever--great post; funny list; and another great posting from your end.[ Blog, I mean]

Barb 

Posted by Barb & Sal Dragotta, Macomb County Michigan over 7 years ago

Steve - we are getting toward Halloween in a few weeks, and I guess Superman is gearing up.

Barb - I just read my comments to Charlie, which were in response to his.  And I saw nothing unusual.  Glad you liked the post!  I had not noticed all those goings on here on the Rain, but if I was the cause I guess I wouldn't. 

But, it sure is good having things come out on my end...  so to speak.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

LOL! I have seen the no smoke detector battery too many times, but why bother putting a new one in when it will just drain down and then start that annoying chirping again, better to just leave it quiet, and "fixed"... (can you do a post with Hong Kong Fooey next?)

Posted by Elizabeth Baklaich (Virtual Assistant to Steve Baklaich RE/MAX Realty Source MN) over 7 years ago

I am glad you liked it Liz!  I had to look up who Hong Kong Fuey is and he must have come after my cartoon time.  But I do have a winter list to come up with and maybe I could weave a little H.K. F. into it!

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Jay, a great list and one I will use not!

Ty

Posted by Ty Lacroix (Envelope Real Estate Brokerage Inc) over 7 years ago

Not good work, Ty, not good!  Not glad you didn't enjoy it...

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Rocky and Bullwinkle?

Posted by Elizabeth Baklaich (Virtual Assistant to Steve Baklaich RE/MAX Realty Source MN) over 7 years ago

Liz - Ha!  I was around for them!  Like every Saturday.  I bet I can come up with lots of characters for the list.  Just don't know to do it yet!  Bizarro World was an easy one.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

Haha, great post. Sadly many contractors let these things slide!  Do you have a blog located outside of Activerain? We have a home inspection blog here. Maybe you'd like to do a guest post or we could exchange links?

Posted by David Swartz (Advantage Inspection Service) over 7 years ago

Hi David - thanks!  I would love to post a blog elsewhere!  And you are right, this list is funny, but sadly sometimes true.

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) over 7 years ago

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